so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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