I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Im part way to drunk.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
