You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
