Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
