I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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