also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
