pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
