u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
