Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
