You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
