So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
