It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Someone came in the potted fern
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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