my being single is dangerous.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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