Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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