At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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