I will die if light touches me.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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