Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
