Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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