the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize