is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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