I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
