Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
