this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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