***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
