im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
