508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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