Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
