he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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