yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
