So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize