3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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