Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
