We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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