absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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