thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
