This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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