Michael Bay diarrhea
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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