I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Ketchup is God's man juice
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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