so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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