just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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