he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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