was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
