I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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