I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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