I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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