can we get nightvision for the apartment?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
