You smell like a Billy Joel song
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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