If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
