Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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