dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
