I've blown a few things in my day
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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