yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I think I sprained my soul last night
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize