i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
