pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
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