grandma shit on top of the toilet
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
