How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
