I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
