I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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