One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
