Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I didn't notice because vodka
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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