Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize