did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
