He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
People in love make me want to vomit
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
