I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
