Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
