i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
