oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
