do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize