We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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