He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize